Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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