meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
where am i from again
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
