it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
