Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
