I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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