is your mom at the bar?
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
