I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
