HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
