if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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