Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
