i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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