I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I intend to get homeless drunk
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
