facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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