3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
