actually, I'm a sock model
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
