please come you make the beer taste better
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
