Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
