So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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