My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
