Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
