Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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