All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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