Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
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