He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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