so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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