I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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