My Higher Power is John Stamos
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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