What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
