Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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