I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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