and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
