Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize