I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
