there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
