thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
