the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
