My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
