Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
