Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I am available for nakedness
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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