I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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