the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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