you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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