Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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