Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
