Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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