i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Randomize
