I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
