Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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