There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Drunk is not a location!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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