Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
