Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we made out on top of his cat.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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