youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
