you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize