found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize