ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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