did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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