Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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