They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
