so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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