Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
