I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
