This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
