I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
