problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sext me about skeletons
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
