Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
