Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So squirting runs in the family.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
