I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
