just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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