I smell stomach acid.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
