rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
