If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
