Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
