i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
