i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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