Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
