I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
