How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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