she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
