i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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