I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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