the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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