Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
