Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
