Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
