Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize