I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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