I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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