Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize