I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
