sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize