I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
